The Salix Path - A Choice: Wellness or Stress

Patience

2010-12-27T08:27:00.001-08:00

"Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, it's not the end."~Unknown

Persistance in the Duality of It

2010-06-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

“It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.” -—Albert Einstein

Ok....so it is uncomfortable sitting in duality, separation, in the us vs. them mentality - it is stressful. Yet, being in "it", and staying there to see what you can learn...and see what messages there are...and figuring out how to reconcile it... means that it becomes less stressful in the loing run.

We need to be able to "sense make" the paradox in the world...staying there, vs. running away from it by rejecting it or becoming angry and frustrated is NOT the key to peaceful evolution. As we can connect with it and develop a relationship with it, we grow by learning and being open to seeing what we can learn from it.

Try it the next time you experience paradox and become another Einstein.

Listening to Relieve Stress

2010-06-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

"Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person."~
Rachel Naomi Remen

We are often frustrated with a situation or person because we disagree with their point of view. Yet, our "disagreement" gets in the way of understanding the other person more completely. The other person needs to have someone listen and hear them...then, we can be the vehicle in which that happens...once their story is told, they feel better.

And maybe, just maybe, when I do this, I have learned more about that person by being vulnerable to what they believe and allowing it to bounce around with my beliefs. Learning increases harmony and decreases stress...allow yourself to really listen and learn.

Knowing Our Truth

2010-05-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

"Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with people the same happiness." ~ Kahlil Gibran

What is it for you? Oprah, in her monthly magazine, has a great feature on the last page: "what I know for sure". I like to respond to myself each month when I see that - What do I know for sure? What is my Truth?

When I know my truth, there is less stress, because I don't have to think too hard about what to do...I am clear on my values...my beliefs...what I know for sure - my truth. Then, things get easier.

Yesterday, I answered the question, and here was my answer: Conversations that matter. That is one piece of my truth, and important one...it was a wonderful evening of honest and magnificent conversation with friends...what a blessing. I came home, in peace, and clarity, and loving my world.

Getting clear about our truth, as Gibran says, is being content...a thing I know for sure.

Lead with Intention...not Expectation

2010-05-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

Any kind of expectation creates a problem. We should accept, but not expect. Whatever comes, accept it. Whatever goes, accept it. The immediate benefit is that your mind is always peaceful.~Sri Swami Satchidananda

Yes, the expectation of people doing things in a certain way or by a certain time, often leads to disappointment...another version of stress. If can allow for ouir intention to, lead us along the path of life, it is ours - we own it and control it.

But we do not control others...we can not make them do it (whatever "it" is). So, letting go of what we expect...and know that regardless of what others do or don't do, we are fine...we are good...wewe are complete...a much more peaceful existence.

Commencement

2010-05-14T09:32:00.000-07:00

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired." ~ Nikos Kazantzakis

I love this time of year at graduation...it creates such closure for me...and for students, it is just the beginning. They have a whole life to create on their canvas. I see their excitement, their alive-ness, and I am happy for them in their pursuit of their dreams.

Knowing what you want to passionately pursue lessens the stress of not knowing what to do...feeling stuck. Just moving, taking ANY action will make us feel better, less stressed, as movement loosens us the static energy in our minds and bodies. It also begins a different chemical process in our bodies, possibly leading to the relaxation response, where infinite creativity and peace are found.

If we passionately pursue "the thing" we desire, we will create the qualities of that thing...just by starting with one step and moving forward....so COMMENCE!

Salute to Dr. David Walker

2010-04-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

"Do you have the consciousness of what you desire?" ~Dr. David Walker

He was one of my heroes in life...a wonderful friend, colleague, teacher - how does one remember such a powerful force like David? His website for his Church shows a welcome video from him...he was just a darling to me.

One of his most powerful lessons was one in which he discussed time, and since time is a stresser for many people you may really appreciate the lesson: it is NEVER about time, it is about consciousness. So, I created this affirmation for this: I make best use of my consciousness every day.

If I do that, I will never regret or feel guilty or stressed about my day - I did the best with my consciousness and that is good enough for me...BTW, the name of his book is: You are Enough - get it, read, it honor it, and be it...it is the best that we can do to honor his life.

thanks David...for all the memories...mel

Laughter to Reduce Stress - just do it! (from about.com)

2010-04-05T06:52:00.000-07:00

Laughter is good for your soul- -and your body!

Research has shown health benefits of laughter ranging from strengthening the immune system to reducing food cravings¹ to increasing one's threshold for pain². There's even an emerging therapeutic field known as humor therapy³ to help people heal more quickly, among other things. Humor also has several important stress relieving benefits.

Stress Management Benefits of Laughter:

Hormones: Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol⁴, epinephrine⁵ (adrenaline⁶), dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress.
Physical Release: Have you ever felt like you "have to laugh or I'll cry"? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.
Internal Workout: A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart.
Distraction: Laughter brings the focus away from anger⁷, guilt, stress⁸ and negative emotions in a more beneficial way⁹ than other mere distractions.
Perspective: Studies show¹⁰ that our response to stressful events can be altered by whether we view something as a 'threat' or a 'challenge'. Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspective and help us view events as 'challenges', thereby making them less threatening and more positive.
Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter connects us with others. Also, laughter is contagious¹¹, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

How To Use Laughter:

Laughter is one of my all-time favorite stress management¹² strategies because it's free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. You can get more laughter in your life with the following strategies:

T.V. and Movies: There's no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment, both at the theater and in the aisles of the video stores¹³, as well as at home with T.V. comedies¹⁴. While wasting your time watching something marginally funny may actually frustrate you, watching truly hilarious movies and shows is an easy way to get laughter into your life whenever you need it.
Laugh With Friends: Going to a movie or comedy club with friends is a great way to get more laughter in your life. The contagious effects of laughter may mean you'll laugh more than you otherwise would have during the show, plus you'll have jokes to reference at later times. Having friends over for a party or game night is also a great setup for laughter and other good feelings.
Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of complaining about life's frustrations, try to laugh about them. If something is so frustrating or depressing it's ridiculous, realize that you could 'look back on it and laugh.' Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more lighthearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more mirthful way and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events, and you'll achieve the health benefits of laughter. (See this article on maintaining a sense of humor¹⁵.
'Fake It Until You Make It': Just as studies show the positive effects of smiling occur whether the smile is fake or real, faked laughter also provides the benefits mentioned above. So smile more, and fake laughter; you'll still achieve positive effects, and the fake merriment may lead to real smiles and laughter.
More on Having Fun: See these additional suggestions on laughing more and having fun¹⁶ in your life.

_{Sources:
Bennett MP, Lengacher C. Humor and Laughter May Influence Health: III. Laughter and Health Outcomes.¹⁷ Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine, March 2008.
Bennett MP, Zeller JM, Rosenberg L, McCann J. The Effect of Mirthful Laughter on Stress and Natural Killer Cell Activity.¹⁸. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, March-April 2003.
Berk LS, Felten DL, Tan SA, Bittman BB, Westengard J. Modulation of Neuroimmune Parameters During the Eustress of Humor-Associated Mirthful Laughter.¹⁹. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, March 2001.
Skinner N, Brewer N. The Dynamics of Threat and Challenge Appraisals Prior to Stressful Achievement Events.²⁰ Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, September 2002.}

Learn to Meditate

2010-03-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

Click on this link:

Free Meditation Course!

One of the best tools for stress relief is meditation...not the 30 minute type three times a day, but short interludes...this is a great course starting on April 1...join in - it is free!!

Give it your attention, it will pay you back...

Listening...REALLY listening...

2010-03-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self confidence. ---- Robert Frost

I am quite disturbed by all of the anger and bitterness being exhibited about health reform...can't we all just get along? We have know since the Civil War that there have always been differences about how much the federal government should be involved in - vs. the States. This is not new. And...I would guess in another 50 years we will be having the same debate. Differences are good...BUT, only when we are willing to listen and learn.

You listen to the "other" and they listen to you. That is how it is supposed to work...then you walk away from each other having learned something, gained insight, became vulnerable to another point of view, and we can agree to disagree...it is OK!!! we don't need to yell at each other, spit at others, use explatives, that is not a civilized society. What are teaching the youth?

We are going backwards in this country with this form of communication. REAL listening requires us to set aside our differences, and hear the other...Stephen Covey: Seek first to understand and then to be understood. You don't have to surrender your values to listen....just create space to learn something, that's all...

Let's try this versus that.

What's Right in Your World?

2010-03-21T05:27:00.000-07:00

When you realize that nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you! ~ Lao Tse

Approaching life from the perspective and attitude that things are good, is a very different way of life. I am not a master of it yet I know that when I look for what's right, my whole body feels different, as if it has turned into another "being".

It takes conscious awareness to make this happen. And that also means that I cannot be focused on the past or future, but the present. That is the trick. To look at life from the past "lens" or from the future "lens", will not allow you to celebrate what's right with the world.

Seeing what is "right" vs. what is wrong is a stress-free way to explore your spiritual path.

Embrace Conflict

2010-03-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

(thanks to Cheryl Richardson for these wonderful thoughts)

"Marion Woodman tells us that wholeness comes from learning to "hold the tension of the opposites."

We live in a world of duality. There's daylight and nighttime, summer and winter, good and evil. It's the nature of living as a human being on earth to deal with the tension of opposites. And yet, navigating the complex feelings that come from holding this tension can be stressful and challenging at best. You interview for a new job, for example, and find yourself anxiously waiting to hear how you did while knowing that at the same time you need to be patient and detached from the outcome. Or, you try to be a good parent by encouraging your son to go out into the world to live a full, rich life, while everything inside you begs to hold tight to keep him safe.

How do we hold the tension of the opposites and still thrive and enjoy our lives? What can we do to make this experience less stressful? Here are a few things that helped me:

Give voice to your feelings. As I grappled with mixed emotions during the trip, I felt alone and a little crazy. After all, here I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and part of me wanted to be home. It didn't make sense. But, once I stopped suffering in silence and shared my thoughts with Michael, I discovered that he felt it, too. Sharing my feelings and knowing I wasn't alone immediately made me feel better.

Honor the opposites. Rather than judge one side as better or worse than the other, give both parts of you equal consideration. I spent some time by myself writing about the traveler in me who was thoroughly enjoying seeing new places, meeting new people, and having new adventures. And I also wrote about the other part that loved our home, missed Poupon, and wanted the comfort and peace of familiar routines. What I soon discovered was that giving time and space to both parts of me made me feel stronger and more capable of being with the tension.

Strengthen your ability to hold both. Once I felt stronger, I had a glimpse of what Marion was talking about when she said that "wholeness" comes from holding the tension of the opposites. Rather than try to exorcise or ignore my uncomfortable feelings, I needed to see the choice to be with both as a kind of "inner training session." As I centered myself in the tension, I imagined weaving parts of me together into a stronger, more mature woman. By doing this I was developing an emotional muscle that would ultimately allow me to bring more of who I am to the world. "

I personally love paradox...it is fun to see that two things, that are opposite, are both true...stress, yes, and good stress...it is all how we see it with our eyes. Rev. Mel

"New Frame"?

2010-03-07T05:17:00.000-08:00

Cognitive reframing--the wonderful practice of looking at things in a more positive light in order to experience them as less stressful--is a simple and effective stress reliever. And there are unlimited opportunities to practice cognitive reframing to maintain a more optimistic (i.e. less stressful) world view.

Sometimes it helps to see how others can take lemons and make lemonade; sometimes it's nice to get a pat on the back for a brilliant example of cognitive reframing you've used in your own.I would be curious to see how YOU do this...let me know...

"Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility." ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I think the only way to be ready to serve the world in the best manner possible is to reframe the situation that is stressing you right now, then recognize that it is less important that what you have to do in life...and then take action. Your gifts are too important to hold back...reframe and enjoy the joy!

Curiosity about our "Reasons"

2010-02-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

So, how did you do comparing your values vs. how you spend your time (from previous post)?

If you are doing your values--as I said, GREAT! If not, I often ask my clients/students, why not? That is not an easy question to answer...because we can look for the easy response and say "I did not have enough time"...or "Someone asked me to do _______ and that took me away from ______"

However, let's look deeper...let's be curious about ourselves....let's not assume that it was the reason that showed up for us. What lies beneath that reason?

I think getting curious about ourselves is a valuable and important activity. What drives us? If I say I am going to meditate 15 minutes each am becasue I know that my spiritual health is important to me, but then I don't do it 5 of 7 days...what does that mean? Not from the blaming perspective, but from a compassionate curiosity perspective. Am I not worth it? Am I giving in to someone else's needs or priorities? Am I in fear about the lack of time I have so I skip it?

Those are better issues to work with vs. the initial take on the reason I gave myself. Those kind of things represent some work to be done...some of the causes of our stress...then we are are on the road to healing that issue by exposing it. Rev. Mel

Your Five Values

2010-02-22T06:00:00.000-08:00

"There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man's whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue."-- Hagakure

Ok...so you have your five values that really represent who you are or (or maybe what you would like to be). Start here....track yourself for a week and see how you spend your time. Does it "look" like your five values? Why or why not?

If so--congrats! You are doing a good job of living your "word". If not, what got in the way? Because how we spend our time is a great indicator of our values...perhaps there was a new value you discovered or perhaps you were living someone else's values?

We have a choice in every moment to live our values...when we do, we feel good and are probably not stressed. When we don't, we are stressed and guilty. We need to live what we know to be true for us, not for others. This is a huge aha for some of us...so track yourself this week and see how you do...Rev. Mel

2010-02-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

I have heard it said that living out of our vision is more powerful than living out of our circumstance. Holding on to a vision invokes the circumstances by which the vision is achieved. Vision is content; material circumstances mere form. ~Marianne Williamson

It is difficult and stressful, I think, to try to get ourselves out of a bad state of consciousness from the ground floor where we lives are real, day to day lives. On the ground floor, we do not see the light at the end of the tunnel...no way...it is just plain dark!

Trying to "create" in the dark is hard...we need the light, and the light comes from our having a bright vision for where we are headed, a light created by our vision. Do you have a vision like that? One that illumens your day, that inspires you when you might feel low... if so-GREAT! Go there often and spend time in that light.

If not, begina visioning process for yourself...think of how you want to feel - create a list of 5 words that describe how you want to feel...and focus on those five words every day...and i will write more about that soon...this is the beginning of the rest of your life. Rev. Mel

Trouble as a Stress Reducer (!)

2010-02-03T00:26:00.000-08:00

Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes. ~- Henry J Kaiser

There is a wonderful TV commercial that you have probably seen: Trouble

This cute and wonderful dog worries so much about his bone..."where to keep it?" I see myself in this dog. But I can also laugh at this "outpicturing of me" because I do know that trouble also represents opportunity for growth...that reduces my anxiety.

I do have to "flip" my mind a bit to get there...but I can...what do I need to know here?

There is always something...and I also know for sure...that learning is one of my favorite things to do...I am now working on getting to that point, quicker!

Living "Limit-less"

2010-01-31T15:02:00.000-08:00

"If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you."-- Louise Hay

If I am thinking that I have limits, that is pretty stressful for me...I do not feel free to experiment, express, try something new, or push past my apparent boundaries...or get out of my comfort zone. That just feels icky even writing it...so, let's look at this.

What are other words for "limiting beliefs"? How about these: "I can't; I am not good enough; I couldn't possibility; I don't have that talent....and on and on. Again, it doesn't not feel good to even think that way. But if I did, I could re-think it...and get a new feeling, like "I am free to be me!"

My truth is freedom...and it is not stressful for me, it is liberating...it is stressful to start making a list of what I can't do...true or not true. So, when I hear any voice inside me or my words outside of me saying anything like "I can't"..maybe I don't want to, but I have a choice...that is different energy and diminishes the stress. Choice always feels good...especially when I am clear about what's important top me and what I value.

So, what I know for you is that choice is your Truth...and allows you to live without limits.

The Life Force Within You

2010-01-22T23:57:00.000-08:00

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.--Martha Graham

Another way to look at stress is to think of "it" as a "force"...it is your power building up inside of you waiting to be expressed - preferably in a good way and for the highest good of all. That life force within each and every one of us needs expression...needs to fufill itself..and it is unique to you - we all have a special gift to share with the world. So, why do we hold it back?

What is the fear? That we will not be accepted? That we will disappoint someone? That the gift is not good enough? That we are unsure of what things will happen if we give the gift of ourselves?

I am not sure for you, but I still have my "reasons:" at different times for not sharing my gift...and that force "stresses" me because I don't let it out. I am exploring those reasons..how about you?

I don't want to lose any moments in my life - I chose to express more fully, more and more every day. Rev. Mel

Doing it Better in 2010

2009-12-31T09:21:00.000-08:00

Many of us know that we can be better than in 2009...we are now a better version of ourselves...but why? What have we learned? I think learning reduces the stress of "not knowing"...

A colleague of mine, Dr. David Ault, and his blog can give us some clues:
http://drdavidault.blogspot.com/

Did I forgive this year - really forgive? The kind of forgiveness that cracks open my heart, peeling away one more layer of righteous indignation, thus allowing my soul to breathe? The kind of forgiveness that loosens my clinched fists held high at a situation so that I don't enter into the next one with guarded mistrust? The kind of forgiveness that comprehends there is a difference between understanding a behavioral choice and condoning it? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my forgiving.

Did I stop this year - really stop? The kind of stopping that can't help but make me vulnerable by becoming more familiar with who I am without distraction, smoke screens, excuses or self-imposed numbing? The kind of stopping that turns me, naked, towards my feelings, giving them permission to express? No right or wrong - a stopping that simply lets me hear what I need to hear so that I can live more effectively? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in allowing myself to stop.

Did I seek adventure this year - real adventure? The kind of adventure that requires me to not only take a leap of faith off my cliff of familiarity but actually sends me back to get a running start? The kind of adventure that shakes the dust off my capable but underused wings and gives them an opportunity to catch the gorgeous wind of change? The kind of adventure that knows there is no outside safety net in this physical world, only an internal one? The kind of adventure that shouts, "I choose to live fully!" If not, then I resolve to be and do better in seeking adventure.

Did I seek wellness this year - real wellness? The kind of wellness that requires me to be fully conscious of what I put in my body - the kind of wellness that requires me to practice what I preach when it comes to self-love while understanding that the power to dissolve poor habits starts by simply choosing to change? Wellness that says, "This is the only body you've got. Treat me with respect, praise me daily and honor me as the holy temple that I am?" If not, then I resolve to be and do better in allowing wellness in my life.

Did I play this year - really play? The kind of play that gives value to the heavenly activity of fun - knowing that fun is sacred, that play is the equivalent of work and that during play - renewal and relaxation usher in the newest ideas and the clearest choices for better manifestations? Did I view play as a necessary life function and not a debatable luxury? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my relationship to playing.

Did I set a goal and see it to completion this year - really complete it? The kind of completion that lets the vibration of satisfaction and confidence in my abilities heal any opposing ideas of not being good enough? Did I honor my life and its sacred purpose by utilizing my time with forward thinking and letting my mistakes be motivators not antagonists? Did I dissolve my insecurities and procrastination by understanding that my untapped genius has but one mode of expression and that is through idea, thought, word and action? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in setting and completing my goals.

Did I open myself up to learn this year - really learn? The kind of learning that entices me to enroll in being a student of life with thirst and enthusiasm? Did I set an intention for uncovering more of my potential, letting divine intellect eat from my plate and stepping deeper into the waters of wisdom? Did I open a book, take a class, study a language, learn an instrument, write a poem, visit another culture? Did I learn to surprise and thrill myself with the infinite capacity I have to master more than I thought I could? If not, then I resolve to be and do better on my personal path of learning.

Did I clean up my relationships this year - really clean them up? The kind of cleaning that requires me to break open the lock, pull back the curtain, throw open the window and start removing the dust of harsh words, grudges, false accusations and misguided choices that have layered my heart? Did I make amends for the fearful ways that disheartened another, for neglecting to honor their point of view? With careful examination, did I communicate my truth, understanding that sometimes all we may be able to do is agree to disagree and to do so without judgement or malice? If not, then I resolve to be and do better on cleaning up my relationships.

Did I share my good this year - really share? The kind of sharing that comes from the pure joy of seeing another succeed, not from what I think they can or will do for me in return? Did I tithe back to where I was spiritually fed, transformed and inspired? Did I practice random acts of kindness and give of my time, talent, and treasure realizing that my good is a part of a never-ending wellspring that cannot run dry -whose source is and always will be the infinite wellspring of the Divine? Did I commit to walking the altruistic path, remembering that every step brings healing and enlightenment to the world? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my sharing.

Did I pray this year - really pray? The kind of prayer that is spoken not to God but AS God - prayers that affirm rather than beseech, are pregnant with knowing rather than bloated with doubt? Did I make my every day activities a prayer - realizing that every thought I think carries with it the responsibility of an effect on the world? Did I remember how truly powerful my own prayer actually is and that by simply devoting myself to the practice of it, I become the change? Did I remember that my prayer takes what I seek and introduces it to me, the seeker? If not, then I resolve to be and do better with praying.

Did I do all these things because deep down inside I fully understand how precious I am and that each of these sacred practices reminds me how I'm held in the light as a perfect idea? Did I remember that I have been perfectly conceived and am always held in the perfect mind of God as perfect being? Did I know that there is nothing that I can ever say, nothing I can ever do that will separate me from the love of God? If for any reason, I forgot my divinity this year, then I resolve to be and do better in my knowing of it, to fully understand and embody the truth that it is done unto me as I believe. And I believe in the power of Good, for me, for you, for all.

©2004 David Ault

I know that for me, knowing that I can improved reduces my stress, it has a way of erasing what has been and leads me to what can be...a great intention for 201! Happy new year! Rev. Mel

Compassion to Relieve Stress

2009-12-21T11:47:00.000-08:00

We all want to relax over the Holidays...and one of the best gifts you can give yourself, is compassion...it will relieve stress because to can unchain your heart from the ropes of frustration and anger...here is the process:

1. Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
2. Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
3. Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
4. Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
5. Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”

It is all perspective, you know? Be like the hawk in the native tradition and see the bigger picture...happy holidays!

What Don't I Know Here?

2009-12-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

Understanding is the ultimate seduction of the mind.-- Stephen Levine

I have always loved this quote…I think being compassionate in this holiday season means that we see with new eyes-pretend that we don’t know - and look again, for the first time-“what don’t I know here?” (my answer is usually "ALOT")

I helped push a guy’s car out of the snow yesterday at UNR…though it looked as though he was ok and did not need help…I then looked again, and guess what? He did and he even made eye contact with me and we connected…I felt good that I took a second look…it was nice to be able to assist, many have done it for me in the past, I am just paying it forward.

Being open and looking to learn can be a very peaceful activity as we look to make sense of the world. Thinking that we know "enough" closes us off to learning more and seeing the bigger picture - a great way to relieve stress...what will you learn about in this holiday season?

A Stress-Buster! Good Ole' Gratitude

2009-11-22T11:24:00.000-08:00

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." --Melody Beattie

Melody's thought has always been one of my favorite quotes about giving thanks. Today, begins a VERY special week...it is time to get things in perspective. Yes, I see all the stats - unemployment, stock prices, the lines for food, the homeless - I see and hear the pain. I have heard it from people like never before, YET, I know that for me to keep my consciousness high, I re-gain my perspective from gratitude, and it gives me a new look.

I think about about the wonderful experiences I have had in my life that support me - my family upbringing - my parents and how much freedom to learn and explore that I was given. I know my teachers were all perfect - all along the way - grade school and high school - but all the others. My workplaces, my friends, the people who hurt me, those who love me, my dogs, my homes, my vacations, those who come to my classes and teach me....the people I am blessed with in my life today - my partner, Sandy...there is sooooo much and it is what I remind myself this week...

What do I need (vs. want)? I need to know that I am alright, right now...with who I am, what I have, and where I believe I serve this world the best. It is my best live. I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of your blessings today! Look at them all with your heart and feel it - your heart knows that you are ok.

Turning Toward the Sun

2009-11-10T04:57:00.000-08:00

"Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you."--unknown

As the clocks get turned back for the season...and daylight hours wane, it might become easy to not see the light that is always around us, surrounding us, in us, in others, and in our life.

Yet, in the infinite world in which we live, the sun is always here, there, and everywhere, if we are open enough to see it. It does mean that we have to take back our focus from the "dark", and re-focus on the light in our lives. It means deattaching ourselves from the hypnosis of the dark thing to looking at "what's right". Yes, lift off from the velco thing that seems to have a hold on us, and re-attach our attention to the light.

The good news is that when we do that, we re-energize from something that is draining us of our energy to focus on the life enhancing goodness we can experience from what's right. Chronic stress occurs when we cannot detach what our worries...regardless of their logic or possibility. But when we can have the mental resilience to pull away from those things, face the sun, those dark things will no longer control our energy, our life, our perceptions, and our world....and the shadows will fall behind us....just like when we moved the clocks back.

One Thing at a Time....Less Stress

2009-11-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

Focus - Choose One, Master It, Move On

In his book, "Getting Things Done," David Allen suggests you create a list of "Areas of Focus." Start by looking at the areas you manage in your your personal life or business life. In business you may have these areas: marketing, customer contact, product/service development, operations/administration, strategic planning, IT development, etc. What are the areas in your personal life? Relationships, home, community activities, political causes, etc.

Next, list all your possible projects in your personal and your business life. Be sure to list them all.

Once you have your full projects list, look them over and ask yourself (these are from passionforbusiness.com):

1. Which project will most likely lead me towards my large business goals?

2. Which project will lead me in the direction I want to take for my business?

3. Which project am I ready to tackle now?

4. Which project inspires me? (cool--this is a big clue)

5. Which project scares me? (reflect on why)

Then choose one project that will have the biggest impact for your success. Picking only one reduces any stress you might have about being overwhelmed.

Remember, you don't have to focus on one thing for an entire year. Try it for one week, three months or six months. That is more manageable... and don't throw away the list - you will still do them, just not now. Then, see what results you are getting...see how it feels.

Then, once you complete a project, then you can joyfully move on to the next one on your list. In this way, you can have BOTH things in your life: a successful personal and business life...and develop your system of getting multiple things done in a deliberately effective way.

First, choose one project. Finish it. Then move on to the next.

Freedom to Make Meaning for Ourselves

2009-10-30T16:28:00.000-07:00

"The things we fear most in organizations -- fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances - need not be signs of an impending disorder that will destroy us. Instead, fluctuations are the primary source of creativity." - Dr. Margaret Wheatley, Leadership and the New Science

It is ironic that the very thing that allows for creativity and growth is also stressful - chaos. When we are free to create, it can get messy, and it supports the million possibilities of what can then happen or be created. But if we fear the messiness, because we like things neat, clean and in order, we push away the very openness and the new options for the future, by the "barriers" of fear. The stress of the "clutter" is not enjoyed and will probably not lead to development of oursleves, our project, or anything else. We have to get our hands dirty, and I know that is not politically popular in the era of H1N1. We can get messy without being infected by our fear of it.

If our intellect can remember that when there is chaos, there is great opportunity, we can begin to embrace a new perspective, drop some fear and stress, and look again at the raw, organic materials that we have to work with in our situation. See mess as possibility....now that is power and freedom.

Looking with "New" Eyes

2009-10-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

"If a pickpocket meets a Holy Man, he will see only his pockets." - --Hari Dass

Every time I read this, I laugh...that is good unto itself. Laughing is a great stress reducer....AND when you can laugh and learn something, what a blessing!!!

Yet, to clarify...what does this mean to me? If I find myself judging someone or something, and feeling stressed about it...widening my view of the person or situation allows me to see the greater picture of who they are or what the situation is. It gives me the "view from the balcony", which helps me understand more, and judge less, and feel less stressed about it.

If I only see the pockets of the Holy Man, I am usually too attached to what those pockets are really about, and that attachment creates stress for me. Loosing my grip of that attachment, viewing it from a higher place, helps me ease into another possibility...and I love seeing new possibilities about people and situations, don't you? Knowing many possibilities exist reduces my fear and stress....and I am not stuck with one way or one perspective.

It's Not Personal!

2009-10-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

One of the Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz (great book BTW), is to not takes things personally. It is the hardest of the four, because it is so wrapped around our ego. The other three (be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions-i.e. ask questions, and always do your best) are easier to handle in my day to day world. I think they are all great agreements that you make with yourself to live a more awakened life...and if we follow them, I think they are a more peaceful and less stressful attitude about our world.

The personal thing can be very challenging...and what I am referring to mostly - when things happen negatively, seemingly to "me". Ruiz is also talking about not taking things personally when someone is giving you all kinds of positive feedback as well...but that is not what i want to comment on today. :-)

I re-learned this in the past week when there appeared to be a personal attack on myself and some colleagues. I stewed and was angry about it for several days, not feeling "worthy" enough to talk to the person about the issue, due to seniority issues. But, as I did some inner work, I reminded myself that I did NOT know why the person said what was said...and that I believed that we had mutual goals so there must have been some misunderstanding...and that it was NOT personal.

Armed with a new perspective/consciousness, I went to talk to that person, assuming there was a misunderstanding and guess what - there was! And it was not only not personal, we were able to come to an agreement, which made the issue go away and it created a win-win for both of us...and did that ever feel better than assuming it was personal. Whew!

Why couldn't I have felt like that before vs. being angry and frustrated? A good lesson and reminder to me to stop, remember that I don't know everything, and trust in win-win. I think being in integrity with my word, not taking it personally, eliminating assumptions, and doing my best assisted me in ending my week in a very happy place...the four agreements in action for me.

Mirrors in Life

2009-10-05T17:55:00.000-07:00

"Any situation that you find yourself in, is an outward reflection of your inner state of being-ness." -- El Morya

Have you ever noticed that what you are feeling on the inside is showing up in your "outside" world? I have had my own experiences lately that just amplify this and have been in coaching sessions where clients have shared this with me.

I would like to say that my mirrors were reflecting peace and harmony, but alas, no! It was just about the polar opposite - it was the disgruntlement and frustrations of people that I encountered which was simply a reflection of what I was feeling about some issues for me at work lately. What it meant for me in the short term was that we had alot to whine about...but even as I was complaining and trying to be right (a BIG clue!), there was that small, still voice that yelled at me: "MIRROR!"

So, for the long term and for my own health and well-being, whining was not the answer but it was a red flag to me that I was off center, out of balance, and stressed! As much as I did not want to succomb to that still voice within me immediately, I did hear it - it was right - my ego was shouting loud and clear, and frankly, about nothing really all that life-altering.

These mirrors in our lives are gifts - we should thank them and learn from them...they are there because we are not "mindful" and aware enough to notice our own being-ness by ourselves. I keep thinking, one of these days, I will not need the mirrors, but I doubt it...I always want the teachers and the lessons.

Clarity and Opportunity

2009-09-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

When I think about what I really want, these two things come to my mind.

I often feel that clarity is a solution to stress...getting things back into perspective for me reduces an sense of anxiety or fear. It gets me back to my values. I can also have a better sens eof the opportunity that was in the chaos of what I was experiencing....that opportunity was always there, even if I wasn't open to seeing it before.

So, how to get back to clarity and harmony? The body needs a re-boot and how that works for you is a unique thing. For me, it can be a short visual meditation, a piece of music, a word or phrase to remind me to get centered, and what it mostly is, is turning off the external world for a moment in time and going inside my own heart and mind. That is the re-boot, the re-set, because when I "come out", the stress is less and I do have a better clarity about what's important, some better ideas, and the opportunities open to me in my life.

What is your re-boot strategy?

Name it and Claim it!

2009-09-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

The hardest thing for us sometimes is to just admit what it is that it causing the stressful and anxious feelings. It might "appear" weak, we think...ha! Who hasn't had moments and tough times in our lives where we needed assistance???? We are all hypnotized to think everyone else is doing "it" better...and that admission of what we need assistance with is almost like we think we have failed.

Here's the news: we ALL have these moments and we all can relate to others who are having them, not out of pity, but out of compassion as a fellow human. We need to know and trust and have faith in our friends and colleagues...then name it and claim it...and feel the stress start to ooze out of us...release and letting go of the strangle-hold it had over us. Just like the wicked witches broom which melted in the Wizard of Oz.

When we name it and claim it, it has less power in our lives and we reclaim our inner essence of that REAL power - the Source within us, that really drives us to GREATNESS. Then, that melted broom is as it should be - just a thing, a long lost perception of our little mind. Bring on the Big Mind - it is waiting for us to recognize it as Truth.

Happiness is a Decision

2009-09-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time." -Unknown author

Sometimes we wait...and wait...and wait...for the "right" thing to come around so we can be happy. It is stressful being in a place of constant anticipation, waiting for some external event to make life work for us.

Better to take some action, in the happiness and joy that we have a choice...and that whatever we do, it is right! We can't make a mistake. If our intention is happiness and joy, that that is what we will experience, not stressing about what someone should have done, or could have done to make it right for you.

Be empowered to make it right for yourself, and choose happiness as the way of being, created by you, especially for you.

Back to School...

2009-08-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

I love fall and all that I see...the leaves...the angle of the sun...the smell in the air...the little creatures collecting their stuff for the winter.

But mostly I love the idea of back to school...back to learning...a reminder. I enjoy the openness...the possibilities...the freshness...of new ideas and thoughts. Then, I enjoy the sensemaking of it all...trying to fit what I learned into context of everything else.

Learning should not be stressful, it should enjoyable. If I feel stress about learning, I need to look at the human overlay - what expectations are creating the stress? Time? Perfection? Challenging my ego?

Time to reflect on that...otherwise, enjoy the ride and be in that wonderful space of an open container, to be filled with knowledge.

What is versus what it SHOULD be!!!

2009-08-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Stress comes from judging and believing "what should be" versus "what is." It is about feeling right and needing others to acknowledge it...forgiveness comes from knowing that the self-care of personal peacefulness is more important to our health than being right. Need creates need, creating stress. Clarity creates clarity and peacefulness.

I know that being right in my mind for my health based upon my values is what matters. When I am clear about what's important, clarity surround me and all of my activities. And I also see that, compared to what's right in my world, there is very little wrong.

"You can never get to peace and inner security without first acknowledging all of the good things in your life. If you're forever wanting and longing for more without first appreciating things the way they are, you'll stay in discord." --- The HeartMath Solution, Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Flexibility of the Willow Tree (Latin: salix)

2009-08-06T12:32:00.000-07:00

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape." --- Unknown

The willow tree is very meaningful to me - flexible but firmly rooted. Being flexible enough to be conscious of my environment and to note the information I detect - same or different?

"Same" means I do what I have been doing if it is working for me.

"Different" means a change...in my routine, my paradigm...not out of fear but in adapting to what's new and different. It is not personal, it just needs a d different "answer" from me...a new path...the Salix Path, grounded in who I am, my values.

Well-Being

2009-07-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

The Well of Well Being
by Bob Tschannen-Moran, © 2007

Well, being as how
well being
eludes so many of us
well beings,
it would serve us well
to go to the well
of well being.

To the well of well being
in our soul.
Where body, mind, and spirit
Connect
To the deep well of life
Ever stirring
Ever striving
To be well.

To the well of well being
in our relationships.
Where thought, word, and deed
Reflect
In the deep well of life
Enough patience
Enough grace
To be well.

To the well of well being
in our world.
Where work, rest, and witness
Protect
The deep well of life
For one
For all
To be well.

Yes, being as how
well being
eludes so many of us
well beings,
It would serve us well
To draw from the well
Of well being.

Celebrate What's Right with the World

2009-07-22T08:28:00.001-07:00

This video by DeWitt Jones, continues to inspire me, even though I have seen it hundreds of times. here is the key: when you celebrate what's right, it gives you energy to fix anything that is wrong...so start with inspiration, the rest comes more easily. It is about "priming" your body for the road ahead. Celebrate, then go!

Inside Success leads to Outside Success

2009-07-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

"Success is predictable and it begins inside you." - Brian Tracy

Life is an inside job, and there is nothing coming to save you but yourself...you will be the one to make the decision to have a more meaningful life without any regrets.

I heard once that guilt was an outcome of not living our values - I like that! Your personal values are your core essence - what are they? Can you name your top 5? If you can, you are on your way to the awareness of how you are doing - do your days reflect those values?

If we are living inside out, our values are what we manifest in the external world, no regrets...but it all started at its source within.

Eight Best Ways to Exercise Your Brain

2009-07-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

8. Smile
7. Stay intellectually active
6. Consciously relax
5. Yawn
4. Meditate
3. Aerobic exercise
2. Dialogue with others
1. Faith
(How God Changes Your Brain. Newberg and Waldman, 2009)

Finding Serenity - three main interconnecting principles: intention, relaxation, and awareness.

More to come...mel

The Puppy Photo at the bottom....

2009-07-02T05:11:00.000-07:00

Research shows that just staring at a photo of something you really love, can reduce the physiologic symptoms of stress...and since I love dogs, I put this on my blog.

Find a photo or do an open eye meditation of your current place, and appreciate the Divine. You will feel better for it, and everyone around you will also! mel

How God Changes Your Brain (2009). Newberg and Waldman

2009-07-01T16:25:00.000-07:00

Class for Summer - July 13 and 20 - 6p-8p ($25 for both)

Over the past decade or so, numerous studies have suggested that prayer and meditation can enhance physical health and healing from illness. In this book, two neuroscientists contend that that meditation and other spiritual practices permanently strengthen specific parts of the brain that aid in lowering anxiety and depression, enhancing social awareness and empathy, and improving cognitive functioning. It is the very science of the mind. You will also learn new exercises for enhancing spiritual health.

It is hot! Come join us! Rev. Mel