Patience

"Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, it's not the end."~Unknown

Persistance in the Duality of It

“It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.” -—Albert Einstein

Ok....so it is uncomfortable sitting in duality, separation, in the us vs. them mentality - it is stressful. Yet, being in "it", and staying there to see what you can learn...and see what messages there are...and figuring out how to reconcile it... means that it becomes less stressful in the loing run.

We need to be able to "sense make" the paradox in the world...staying there, vs. running away from it by rejecting it or becoming angry and frustrated is NOT the key to peaceful evolution. As we can connect with it and develop a relationship with it, we grow by learning and being open to seeing what we can learn from it.

Try it the next time you experience paradox and become another Einstein.

Listening to Relieve Stress

"Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person."~
Rachel Naomi Remen

We are often frustrated with a situation or person because we disagree with their point of view. Yet, our "disagreement" gets in the way of understanding the other person more completely. The other person needs to have someone listen and hear them...then, we can be the vehicle in which that happens...once their story is told, they feel better.

And maybe, just maybe, when I do this, I have learned more about that person by being vulnerable to what they believe and allowing it to bounce around with my beliefs. Learning increases harmony and decreases stress...allow yourself to really listen and learn.

Knowing Our Truth

"Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with people the same happiness." ~ Kahlil Gibran

What is it for you? Oprah, in her monthly magazine, has a great feature on the last page: "what I know for sure". I like to respond to myself each month when I see that - What do I know for sure? What is my Truth?

When I know my truth, there is less stress, because I don't have to think too hard about what to do...I am clear on my values...my beliefs...what I know for sure - my truth. Then, things get easier.

Yesterday, I answered the question, and here was my answer: Conversations that matter. That is one piece of my truth, and important one...it was a wonderful evening of honest and magnificent conversation with friends...what a blessing. I came home, in peace, and clarity, and loving my world.

Getting clear about our truth, as Gibran says, is being content...a thing I know for sure.

Lead with Intention...not Expectation

Any kind of expectation creates a problem. We should accept, but not expect. Whatever comes, accept it. Whatever goes, accept it. The immediate benefit is that your mind is always peaceful.~Sri Swami Satchidananda

Yes, the expectation of people doing things in a certain way or by a certain time, often leads to disappointment...another version of stress. If can allow for ouir intention to, lead us along the path of life, it is ours - we own it and control it.

But we do not control others...we can not make them do it (whatever "it" is). So, letting go of what we expect...and know that regardless of what others do or don't do, we are fine...we are good...wewe are complete...a much more peaceful existence.

Commencement

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired." ~ Nikos Kazantzakis

I love this time of year at graduation...it creates such closure for me...and for students, it is just the beginning. They have a whole life to create on their canvas. I see their excitement, their alive-ness, and I am happy for them in their pursuit of their dreams.

Knowing what you want to passionately pursue lessens the stress of not knowing what to do...feeling stuck. Just moving, taking ANY action will make us feel better, less stressed, as movement loosens us the static energy in our minds and bodies. It also begins a different chemical process in our bodies, possibly leading to the relaxation response, where infinite creativity and peace are found.

If we passionately pursue "the thing" we desire, we will create the qualities of that thing...just by starting with one step and moving forward....so COMMENCE!

Salute to Dr. David Walker

"Do you have the consciousness of what you desire?" ~Dr. David Walker

He was one of my heroes in life...a wonderful friend, colleague, teacher - how does one remember such a powerful force like David? His website for his Church shows a welcome video from him...he was just a darling to me.

One of his most powerful lessons was one in which he discussed time, and since time is a stresser for many people you may really appreciate the lesson: it is NEVER about time, it is about consciousness. So, I created this affirmation for this: I make best use of my consciousness every day.

If I do that, I will never regret or feel guilty or stressed about my day - I did the best with my consciousness and that is good enough for me...BTW, the name of his book is: You are Enough - get it, read, it honor it, and be it...it is the best that we can do to honor his life.

thanks David...for all the memories...mel

Laughter to Reduce Stress - just do it! (from about.com)

Laughter is good for your soul- -and your body!

Research has shown health benefits of laughter ranging from strengthening the immune system to reducing food cravings¹ to increasing one's threshold for pain². There's even an emerging therapeutic field known as humor therapy³ to help people heal more quickly, among other things. Humor also has several important stress relieving benefits.

Stress Management Benefits of Laughter:

• Hormones: Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol⁴, epinephrine⁵ (adrenaline⁶), dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress.

• Physical Release: Have you ever felt like you "have to laugh or I'll cry"? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.

• Internal Workout: A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart.

• Distraction: Laughter brings the focus away from anger⁷, guilt, stress⁸ and negative emotions in a more beneficial way⁹ than other mere distractions.

• Perspective: Studies show¹⁰ that our response to stressful events can be altered by whether we view something as a 'threat' or a 'challenge'. Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspective and help us view events as 'challenges', thereby making them less threatening and more positive.

• Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter connects us with others. Also, laughter is contagious¹¹, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

How To Use Laughter:

Laughter is one of my all-time favorite stress management¹² strategies because it's free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. You can get more laughter in your life with the following strategies:

• T.V. and Movies: There's no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment, both at the theater and in the aisles of the video stores¹³, as well as at home with T.V. comedies¹⁴. While wasting your time watching something marginally funny may actually frustrate you, watching truly hilarious movies and shows is an easy way to get laughter into your life whenever you need it.

• Laugh With Friends: Going to a movie or comedy club with friends is a great way to get more laughter in your life. The contagious effects of laughter may mean you'll laugh more than you otherwise would have during the show, plus you'll have jokes to reference at later times. Having friends over for a party or game night is also a great setup for laughter and other good feelings.

• Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of complaining about life's frustrations, try to laugh about them. If something is so frustrating or depressing it's ridiculous, realize that you could 'look back on it and laugh.' Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more lighthearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more mirthful way and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events, and you'll achieve the health benefits of laughter. (See this article on maintaining a sense of humor¹⁵.

• 'Fake It Until You Make It': Just as studies show the positive effects of smiling occur whether the smile is fake or real, faked laughter also provides the benefits mentioned above. So smile more, and fake laughter; you'll still achieve positive effects, and the fake merriment may lead to real smiles and laughter.

• More on Having Fun: See these additional suggestions on laughing more and having fun¹⁶ in your life.

_{Sources:
Bennett MP, Lengacher C. Humor and Laughter May Influence Health: III. Laughter and Health Outcomes.¹⁷ Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine, March 2008.
Bennett MP, Zeller JM, Rosenberg L, McCann J. The Effect of Mirthful Laughter on Stress and Natural Killer Cell Activity.¹⁸. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, March-April 2003.
Berk LS, Felten DL, Tan SA, Bittman BB, Westengard J. Modulation of Neuroimmune Parameters During the Eustress of Humor-Associated Mirthful Laughter.¹⁹. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, March 2001.
Skinner N, Brewer N. The Dynamics of Threat and Challenge Appraisals Prior to Stressful Achievement Events.²⁰ Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, September 2002.}

Learn to Meditate

Click on this link:

Free Meditation Course!

One of the best tools for stress relief is meditation...not the 30 minute type three times a day, but short interludes...this is a great course starting on April 1...join in - it is free!!

Give it your attention, it will pay you back...

Listening...REALLY listening...

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self confidence. ---- Robert Frost

I am quite disturbed by all of the anger and bitterness being exhibited about health reform...can't we all just get along? We have know since the Civil War that there have always been differences about how much the federal government should be involved in - vs. the States. This is not new. And...I would guess in another 50 years we will be having the same debate. Differences are good...BUT, only when we are willing to listen and learn.

You listen to the "other" and they listen to you. That is how it is supposed to work...then you walk away from each other having learned something, gained insight, became vulnerable to another point of view, and we can agree to disagree...it is OK!!! we don't need to yell at each other, spit at others, use explatives, that is not a civilized society. What are teaching the youth?

We are going backwards in this country with this form of communication. REAL listening requires us to set aside our differences, and hear the other...Stephen Covey: Seek first to understand and then to be understood. You don't have to surrender your values to listen....just create space to learn something, that's all...

Let's try this versus that.

What's Right in Your World?

When you realize that nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you! ~ Lao Tse

Approaching life from the perspective and attitude that things are good, is a very different way of life. I am not a master of it yet I know that when I look for what's right, my whole body feels different, as if it has turned into another "being".

It takes conscious awareness to make this happen. And that also means that I cannot be focused on the past or future, but the present. That is the trick. To look at life from the past "lens" or from the future "lens", will not allow you to celebrate what's right with the world.

Seeing what is "right" vs. what is wrong is a stress-free way to explore your spiritual path.

Embrace Conflict

(thanks to Cheryl Richardson for these wonderful thoughts)

"Marion Woodman tells us that wholeness comes from learning to "hold the tension of the opposites."

We live in a world of duality. There's daylight and nighttime, summer and winter, good and evil. It's the nature of living as a human being on earth to deal with the tension of opposites. And yet, navigating the complex feelings that come from holding this tension can be stressful and challenging at best. You interview for a new job, for example, and find yourself anxiously waiting to hear how you did while knowing that at the same time you need to be patient and detached from the outcome. Or, you try to be a good parent by encouraging your son to go out into the world to live a full, rich life, while everything inside you begs to hold tight to keep him safe.

How do we hold the tension of the opposites and still thrive and enjoy our lives? What can we do to make this experience less stressful? Here are a few things that helped me:

Give voice to your feelings. As I grappled with mixed emotions during the trip, I felt alone and a little crazy. After all, here I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and part of me wanted to be home. It didn't make sense. But, once I stopped suffering in silence and shared my thoughts with Michael, I discovered that he felt it, too. Sharing my feelings and knowing I wasn't alone immediately made me feel better.

Honor the opposites. Rather than judge one side as better or worse than the other, give both parts of you equal consideration. I spent some time by myself writing about the traveler in me who was thoroughly enjoying seeing new places, meeting new people, and having new adventures. And I also wrote about the other part that loved our home, missed Poupon, and wanted the comfort and peace of familiar routines. What I soon discovered was that giving time and space to both parts of me made me feel stronger and more capable of being with the tension.

Strengthen your ability to hold both. Once I felt stronger, I had a glimpse of what Marion was talking about when she said that "wholeness" comes from holding the tension of the opposites. Rather than try to exorcise or ignore my uncomfortable feelings, I needed to see the choice to be with both as a kind of "inner training session." As I centered myself in the tension, I imagined weaving parts of me together into a stronger, more mature woman. By doing this I was developing an emotional muscle that would ultimately allow me to bring more of who I am to the world. "

I personally love paradox...it is fun to see that two things, that are opposite, are both true...stress, yes, and good stress...it is all how we see it with our eyes. Rev. Mel

"New Frame"?

Cognitive reframing--the wonderful practice of looking at things in a more positive light in order to experience them as less stressful--is a simple and effective stress reliever. And there are unlimited opportunities to practice cognitive reframing to maintain a more optimistic (i.e. less stressful) world view.

Sometimes it helps to see how others can take lemons and make lemonade; sometimes it's nice to get a pat on the back for a brilliant example of cognitive reframing you've used in your own.I would be curious to see how YOU do this...let me know...

"Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility." ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I think the only way to be ready to serve the world in the best manner possible is to reframe the situation that is stressing you right now, then recognize that it is less important that what you have to do in life...and then take action. Your gifts are too important to hold back...reframe and enjoy the joy!

Curiosity about our "Reasons"

So, how did you do comparing your values vs. how you spend your time (from previous post)?

If you are doing your values--as I said, GREAT! If not, I often ask my clients/students, why not? That is not an easy question to answer...because we can look for the easy response and say "I did not have enough time"...or "Someone asked me to do _______ and that took me away from ______"

However, let's look deeper...let's be curious about ourselves....let's not assume that it was the reason that showed up for us. What lies beneath that reason?

I think getting curious about ourselves is a valuable and important activity. What drives us? If I say I am going to meditate 15 minutes each am becasue I know that my spiritual health is important to me, but then I don't do it 5 of 7 days...what does that mean? Not from the blaming perspective, but from a compassionate curiosity perspective. Am I not worth it? Am I giving in to someone else's needs or priorities? Am I in fear about the lack of time I have so I skip it?

Those are better issues to work with vs. the initial take on the reason I gave myself. Those kind of things represent some work to be done...some of the causes of our stress...then we are are on the road to healing that issue by exposing it. Rev. Mel

Your Five Values

"There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man's whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue."-- Hagakure

Ok...so you have your five values that really represent who you are or (or maybe what you would like to be). Start here....track yourself for a week and see how you spend your time. Does it "look" like your five values? Why or why not?

If so--congrats! You are doing a good job of living your "word". If not, what got in the way? Because how we spend our time is a great indicator of our values...perhaps there was a new value you discovered or perhaps you were living someone else's values?

We have a choice in every moment to live our values...when we do, we feel good and are probably not stressed. When we don't, we are stressed and guilty. We need to live what we know to be true for us, not for others. This is a huge aha for some of us...so track yourself this week and see how you do...Rev. Mel

I have heard it said that living out of our vision is more powerful than living out of our circumstance. Holding on to a vision invokes the circumstances by which the vision is achieved. Vision is content; material circumstances mere form. ~Marianne Williamson

It is difficult and stressful, I think, to try to get ourselves out of a bad state of consciousness from the ground floor where we lives are real, day to day lives. On the ground floor, we do not see the light at the end of the tunnel...no way...it is just plain dark!

Trying to "create" in the dark is hard...we need the light, and the light comes from our having a bright vision for where we are headed, a light created by our vision. Do you have a vision like that? One that illumens your day, that inspires you when you might feel low... if so-GREAT! Go there often and spend time in that light.

If not, begina visioning process for yourself...think of how you want to feel - create a list of 5 words that describe how you want to feel...and focus on those five words every day...and i will write more about that soon...this is the beginning of the rest of your life. Rev. Mel

Trouble as a Stress Reducer (!)

Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes. ~- Henry J Kaiser

There is a wonderful TV commercial that you have probably seen: Trouble

This cute and wonderful dog worries so much about his bone..."where to keep it?" I see myself in this dog. But I can also laugh at this "outpicturing of me" because I do know that trouble also represents opportunity for growth...that reduces my anxiety.

I do have to "flip" my mind a bit to get there...but I can...what do I need to know here?

There is always something...and I also know for sure...that learning is one of my favorite things to do...I am now working on getting to that point, quicker!

Living "Limit-less"

"If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you."-- Louise Hay

If I am thinking that I have limits, that is pretty stressful for me...I do not feel free to experiment, express, try something new, or push past my apparent boundaries...or get out of my comfort zone. That just feels icky even writing it...so, let's look at this.

What are other words for "limiting beliefs"? How about these: "I can't; I am not good enough; I couldn't possibility; I don't have that talent....and on and on. Again, it doesn't not feel good to even think that way. But if I did, I could re-think it...and get a new feeling, like "I am free to be me!"

My truth is freedom...and it is not stressful for me, it is liberating...it is stressful to start making a list of what I can't do...true or not true. So, when I hear any voice inside me or my words outside of me saying anything like "I can't"..maybe I don't want to, but I have a choice...that is different energy and diminishes the stress. Choice always feels good...especially when I am clear about what's important top me and what I value.

So, what I know for you is that choice is your Truth...and allows you to live without limits.

The Life Force Within You

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.--Martha Graham

Another way to look at stress is to think of "it" as a "force"...it is your power building up inside of you waiting to be expressed - preferably in a good way and for the highest good of all. That life force within each and every one of us needs expression...needs to fufill itself..and it is unique to you - we all have a special gift to share with the world. So, why do we hold it back?

What is the fear? That we will not be accepted? That we will disappoint someone? That the gift is not good enough? That we are unsure of what things will happen if we give the gift of ourselves?

I am not sure for you, but I still have my "reasons:" at different times for not sharing my gift...and that force "stresses" me because I don't let it out. I am exploring those reasons..how about you?

I don't want to lose any moments in my life - I chose to express more fully, more and more every day. Rev. Mel