Listening to Relieve Stress

"Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person."~
Rachel Naomi Remen

We are often frustrated with a situation or person because we disagree with their point of view. Yet, our "disagreement" gets in the way of understanding the other person more completely. The other person needs to have someone listen and hear them...then, we can be the vehicle in which that happens...once their story is told, they feel better.

And maybe, just maybe, when I do this, I have learned more about that person by being vulnerable to what they believe and allowing it to bounce around with my beliefs. Learning increases harmony and decreases stress...allow yourself to really listen and learn.

Turning Toward the Sun

"Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you."--unknown

As the clocks get turned back for the season...and daylight hours wane, it might become easy to not see the light that is always around us, surrounding us, in us, in others, and in our life.

Yet, in the infinite world in which we live, the sun is always here, there, and everywhere, if we are open enough to see it. It does mean that we have to take back our focus from the "dark", and re-focus on the light in our lives. It means deattaching ourselves from the hypnosis of the dark thing to looking at "what's right". Yes, lift off from the velco thing that seems to have a hold on us, and re-attach our attention to the light.

The good news is that when we do that, we re-energize from something that is draining us of our energy to focus on the life enhancing goodness we can experience from what's right. Chronic stress occurs when we cannot detach what our worries...regardless of their logic or possibility. But when we can have the mental resilience to pull away from those things, face the sun, those dark things will no longer control our energy, our life, our perceptions, and our world....and the shadows will fall behind us....just like when we moved the clocks back.

One Thing at a Time....Less Stress

Focus - Choose One, Master It, Move On

In his book, "Getting Things Done," David Allen suggests you create a list of "Areas of Focus." Start by looking at the areas you manage in your your personal life or business life. In business you may have these areas: marketing, customer contact, product/service development, operations/administration, strategic planning, IT development, etc. What are the areas in your personal life? Relationships, home, community activities, political causes, etc.

Next, list all your possible projects in your personal and your business life. Be sure to list them all.

Once you have your full projects list, look them over and ask yourself (these are from passionforbusiness.com):

1. Which project will most likely lead me towards my large business goals?

2. Which project will lead me in the direction I want to take for my business?

3. Which project am I ready to tackle now?

4. Which project inspires me? (cool--this is a big clue)

5. Which project scares me? (reflect on why)

Then choose one project that will have the biggest impact for your success. Picking only one reduces any stress you might have about being overwhelmed.

Remember, you don't have to focus on one thing for an entire year. Try it for one week, three months or six months. That is more manageable... and don't throw away the list - you will still do them, just not now. Then, see what results you are getting...see how it feels.

Then, once you complete a project, then you can joyfully move on to the next one on your list. In this way, you can have BOTH things in your life: a successful personal and business life...and develop your system of getting multiple things done in a deliberately effective way.

First, choose one project. Finish it. Then move on to the next.

Freedom to Make Meaning for Ourselves

"The things we fear most in organizations -- fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances - need not be signs of an impending disorder that will destroy us. Instead, fluctuations are the primary source of creativity." - Dr. Margaret Wheatley, Leadership and the New Science

It is ironic that the very thing that allows for creativity and growth is also stressful - chaos. When we are free to create, it can get messy, and it supports the million possibilities of what can then happen or be created. But if we fear the messiness, because we like things neat, clean and in order, we push away the very openness and the new options for the future, by the "barriers" of fear. The stress of the "clutter" is not enjoyed and will probably not lead to development of oursleves, our project, or anything else. We have to get our hands dirty, and I know that is not politically popular in the era of H1N1. We can get messy without being infected by our fear of it.

If our intellect can remember that when there is chaos, there is great opportunity, we can begin to embrace a new perspective, drop some fear and stress, and look again at the raw, organic materials that we have to work with in our situation. See mess as possibility....now that is power and freedom.

It's Not Personal!

One of the Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz (great book BTW), is to not takes things personally. It is the hardest of the four, because it is so wrapped around our ego. The other three (be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions-i.e. ask questions, and always do your best) are easier to handle in my day to day world. I think they are all great agreements that you make with yourself to live a more awakened life...and if we follow them, I think they are a more peaceful and less stressful attitude about our world.

The personal thing can be very challenging...and what I am referring to mostly - when things happen negatively, seemingly to "me". Ruiz is also talking about not taking things personally when someone is giving you all kinds of positive feedback as well...but that is not what i want to comment on today. :-)

I re-learned this in the past week when there appeared to be a personal attack on myself and some colleagues. I stewed and was angry about it for several days, not feeling "worthy" enough to talk to the person about the issue, due to seniority issues. But, as I did some inner work, I reminded myself that I did NOT know why the person said what was said...and that I believed that we had mutual goals so there must have been some misunderstanding...and that it was NOT personal.

Armed with a new perspective/consciousness, I went to talk to that person, assuming there was a misunderstanding and guess what - there was! And it was not only not personal, we were able to come to an agreement, which made the issue go away and it created a win-win for both of us...and did that ever feel better than assuming it was personal. Whew!

Why couldn't I have felt like that before vs. being angry and frustrated? A good lesson and reminder to me to stop, remember that I don't know everything, and trust in win-win. I think being in integrity with my word, not taking it personally, eliminating assumptions, and doing my best assisted me in ending my week in a very happy place...the four agreements in action for me.

Mirrors in Life

"Any situation that you find yourself in, is an outward reflection of your inner state of being-ness." -- El Morya

Have you ever noticed that what you are feeling on the inside is showing up in your "outside" world? I have had my own experiences lately that just amplify this and have been in coaching sessions where clients have shared this with me.

I would like to say that my mirrors were reflecting peace and harmony, but alas, no! It was just about the polar opposite - it was the disgruntlement and frustrations of people that I encountered which was simply a reflection of what I was feeling about some issues for me at work lately. What it meant for me in the short term was that we had alot to whine about...but even as I was complaining and trying to be right (a BIG clue!), there was that small, still voice that yelled at me: "MIRROR!"

So, for the long term and for my own health and well-being, whining was not the answer but it was a red flag to me that I was off center, out of balance, and stressed! As much as I did not want to succomb to that still voice within me immediately, I did hear it - it was right - my ego was shouting loud and clear, and frankly, about nothing really all that life-altering.

These mirrors in our lives are gifts - we should thank them and learn from them...they are there because we are not "mindful" and aware enough to notice our own being-ness by ourselves. I keep thinking, one of these days, I will not need the mirrors, but I doubt it...I always want the teachers and the lessons.

Clarity and Opportunity

When I think about what I really want, these two things come to my mind.

I often feel that clarity is a solution to stress...getting things back into perspective for me reduces an sense of anxiety or fear. It gets me back to my values. I can also have a better sens eof the opportunity that was in the chaos of what I was experiencing....that opportunity was always there, even if I wasn't open to seeing it before.

So, how to get back to clarity and harmony? The body needs a re-boot and how that works for you is a unique thing. For me, it can be a short visual meditation, a piece of music, a word or phrase to remind me to get centered, and what it mostly is, is turning off the external world for a moment in time and going inside my own heart and mind. That is the re-boot, the re-set, because when I "come out", the stress is less and I do have a better clarity about what's important, some better ideas, and the opportunities open to me in my life.

What is your re-boot strategy?

Name it and Claim it!

The hardest thing for us sometimes is to just admit what it is that it causing the stressful and anxious feelings. It might "appear" weak, we think...ha! Who hasn't had moments and tough times in our lives where we needed assistance???? We are all hypnotized to think everyone else is doing "it" better...and that admission of what we need assistance with is almost like we think we have failed.

Here's the news: we ALL have these moments and we all can relate to others who are having them, not out of pity, but out of compassion as a fellow human. We need to know and trust and have faith in our friends and colleagues...then name it and claim it...and feel the stress start to ooze out of us...release and letting go of the strangle-hold it had over us. Just like the wicked witches broom which melted in the Wizard of Oz.

When we name it and claim it, it has less power in our lives and we reclaim our inner essence of that REAL power - the Source within us, that really drives us to GREATNESS. Then, that melted broom is as it should be - just a thing, a long lost perception of our little mind. Bring on the Big Mind - it is waiting for us to recognize it as Truth.