One of the Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz (great book BTW), is to not takes things personally. It is the hardest of the four, because it is so wrapped around our ego. The other three (be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions-i.e. ask questions, and always do your best) are easier to handle in my day to day world. I think they are all great agreements that you make with yourself to live a more awakened life...and if we follow them, I think they are a more peaceful and less stressful attitude about our world.
The personal thing can be very challenging...and what I am referring to mostly - when things happen negatively, seemingly to "me". Ruiz is also talking about not taking things personally when someone is giving you all kinds of positive feedback as well...but that is not what i want to comment on today. :-)
I re-learned this in the past week when there appeared to be a personal attack on myself and some colleagues. I stewed and was angry about it for several days, not feeling "worthy" enough to talk to the person about the issue, due to seniority issues. But, as I did some inner work, I reminded myself that I did NOT know why the person said what was said...and that I believed that we had mutual goals so there must have been some misunderstanding...and that it was NOT personal.
Armed with a new perspective/consciousness, I went to talk to that person, assuming there was a misunderstanding and guess what - there was! And it was not only not personal, we were able to come to an agreement, which made the issue go away and it created a win-win for both of us...and did that ever feel better than assuming it was personal. Whew!
Why couldn't I have felt like that before vs. being angry and frustrated? A good lesson and reminder to me to stop, remember that I don't know everything, and trust in win-win. I think being in integrity with my word, not taking it personally, eliminating assumptions, and doing my best assisted me in ending my week in a very happy place...the four agreements in action for me.
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This is a recurring challenge for me..."not to take things personally" so I'm grateful to know I'm not alone here. It generally comes up around work but regardless, when I manage to catch myself and shift out of the 'emotional moment'....I not only FEEL better but things generally unfold better than I would have imagined. I dont know why I can't seem to hold onto that lesson. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your insights Dr. Mel...I am loving the blog!