Doing it Better in 2010

Many of us know that we can be better than in 2009...we are now a better version of ourselves...but why? What have we learned? I think learning reduces the stress of "not knowing"...

A colleague of mine, Dr. David Ault, and his blog can give us some clues:
http://drdavidault.blogspot.com/

Did I forgive this year - really forgive? The kind of forgiveness that cracks open my heart, peeling away one more layer of righteous indignation, thus allowing my soul to breathe? The kind of forgiveness that loosens my clinched fists held high at a situation so that I don't enter into the next one with guarded mistrust? The kind of forgiveness that comprehends there is a difference between understanding a behavioral choice and condoning it? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my forgiving.

Did I stop this year - really stop? The kind of stopping that can't help but make me vulnerable by becoming more familiar with who I am without distraction, smoke screens, excuses or self-imposed numbing? The kind of stopping that turns me, naked, towards my feelings, giving them permission to express? No right or wrong - a stopping that simply lets me hear what I need to hear so that I can live more effectively? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in allowing myself to stop.

Did I seek adventure this year - real adventure? The kind of adventure that requires me to not only take a leap of faith off my cliff of familiarity but actually sends me back to get a running start? The kind of adventure that shakes the dust off my capable but underused wings and gives them an opportunity to catch the gorgeous wind of change? The kind of adventure that knows there is no outside safety net in this physical world, only an internal one? The kind of adventure that shouts, "I choose to live fully!" If not, then I resolve to be and do better in seeking adventure.

Did I seek wellness this year - real wellness? The kind of wellness that requires me to be fully conscious of what I put in my body - the kind of wellness that requires me to practice what I preach when it comes to self-love while understanding that the power to dissolve poor habits starts by simply choosing to change? Wellness that says, "This is the only body you've got. Treat me with respect, praise me daily and honor me as the holy temple that I am?" If not, then I resolve to be and do better in allowing wellness in my life.

Did I play this year - really play? The kind of play that gives value to the heavenly activity of fun - knowing that fun is sacred, that play is the equivalent of work and that during play - renewal and relaxation usher in the newest ideas and the clearest choices for better manifestations? Did I view play as a necessary life function and not a debatable luxury? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my relationship to playing.

Did I set a goal and see it to completion this year - really complete it? The kind of completion that lets the vibration of satisfaction and confidence in my abilities heal any opposing ideas of not being good enough? Did I honor my life and its sacred purpose by utilizing my time with forward thinking and letting my mistakes be motivators not antagonists? Did I dissolve my insecurities and procrastination by understanding that my untapped genius has but one mode of expression and that is through idea, thought, word and action? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in setting and completing my goals.

Did I open myself up to learn this year - really learn? The kind of learning that entices me to enroll in being a student of life with thirst and enthusiasm? Did I set an intention for uncovering more of my potential, letting divine intellect eat from my plate and stepping deeper into the waters of wisdom? Did I open a book, take a class, study a language, learn an instrument, write a poem, visit another culture? Did I learn to surprise and thrill myself with the infinite capacity I have to master more than I thought I could? If not, then I resolve to be and do better on my personal path of learning.

Did I clean up my relationships this year - really clean them up? The kind of cleaning that requires me to break open the lock, pull back the curtain, throw open the window and start removing the dust of harsh words, grudges, false accusations and misguided choices that have layered my heart? Did I make amends for the fearful ways that disheartened another, for neglecting to honor their point of view? With careful examination, did I communicate my truth, understanding that sometimes all we may be able to do is agree to disagree and to do so without judgement or malice? If not, then I resolve to be and do better on cleaning up my relationships.

Did I share my good this year - really share? The kind of sharing that comes from the pure joy of seeing another succeed, not from what I think they can or will do for me in return? Did I tithe back to where I was spiritually fed, transformed and inspired? Did I practice random acts of kindness and give of my time, talent, and treasure realizing that my good is a part of a never-ending wellspring that cannot run dry -whose source is and always will be the infinite wellspring of the Divine? Did I commit to walking the altruistic path, remembering that every step brings healing and enlightenment to the world? If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my sharing.

Did I pray this year - really pray? The kind of prayer that is spoken not to God but AS God - prayers that affirm rather than beseech, are pregnant with knowing rather than bloated with doubt? Did I make my every day activities a prayer - realizing that every thought I think carries with it the responsibility of an effect on the world? Did I remember how truly powerful my own prayer actually is and that by simply devoting myself to the practice of it, I become the change? Did I remember that my prayer takes what I seek and introduces it to me, the seeker? If not, then I resolve to be and do better with praying.

Did I do all these things because deep down inside I fully understand how precious I am and that each of these sacred practices reminds me how I'm held in the light as a perfect idea? Did I remember that I have been perfectly conceived and am always held in the perfect mind of God as perfect being? Did I know that there is nothing that I can ever say, nothing I can ever do that will separate me from the love of God? If for any reason, I forgot my divinity this year, then I resolve to be and do better in my knowing of it, to fully understand and embody the truth that it is done unto me as I believe. And I believe in the power of Good, for me, for you, for all.

©2004 David Ault

I know that for me, knowing that I can improved reduces my stress, it has a way of erasing what has been and leads me to what can be...a great intention for 201! Happy new year! Rev. Mel

Compassion to Relieve Stress

We all want to relax over the Holidays...and one of the best gifts you can give yourself, is compassion...it will relieve stress because to can unchain your heart from the ropes of frustration and anger...here is the process:

1. Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
2. Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
3. Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
4. Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
5. Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”

It is all perspective, you know? Be like the hawk in the native tradition and see the bigger picture...happy holidays!

What Don't I Know Here?

Understanding is the ultimate seduction of the mind.-- Stephen Levine

I have always loved this quote…I think being compassionate in this holiday season means that we see with new eyes-pretend that we don’t know - and look again, for the first time-“what don’t I know here?” (my answer is usually "ALOT")

I helped push a guy’s car out of the snow yesterday at UNR…though it looked as though he was ok and did not need help…I then looked again, and guess what? He did and he even made eye contact with me and we connected…I felt good that I took a second look…it was nice to be able to assist, many have done it for me in the past, I am just paying it forward.

Being open and looking to learn can be a very peaceful activity as we look to make sense of the world. Thinking that we know "enough" closes us off to learning more and seeing the bigger picture - a great way to relieve stress...what will you learn about in this holiday season?

A Stress-Buster! Good Ole' Gratitude

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." --Melody Beattie

Melody's thought has always been one of my favorite quotes about giving thanks. Today, begins a VERY special week...it is time to get things in perspective. Yes, I see all the stats - unemployment, stock prices, the lines for food, the homeless - I see and hear the pain. I have heard it from people like never before, YET, I know that for me to keep my consciousness high, I re-gain my perspective from gratitude, and it gives me a new look.

I think about about the wonderful experiences I have had in my life that support me - my family upbringing - my parents and how much freedom to learn and explore that I was given. I know my teachers were all perfect - all along the way - grade school and high school - but all the others. My workplaces, my friends, the people who hurt me, those who love me, my dogs, my homes, my vacations, those who come to my classes and teach me....the people I am blessed with in my life today - my partner, Sandy...there is sooooo much and it is what I remind myself this week...

What do I need (vs. want)? I need to know that I am alright, right now...with who I am, what I have, and where I believe I serve this world the best. It is my best live. I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of your blessings today! Look at them all with your heart and feel it - your heart knows that you are ok.

Turning Toward the Sun

"Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you."--unknown

As the clocks get turned back for the season...and daylight hours wane, it might become easy to not see the light that is always around us, surrounding us, in us, in others, and in our life.

Yet, in the infinite world in which we live, the sun is always here, there, and everywhere, if we are open enough to see it. It does mean that we have to take back our focus from the "dark", and re-focus on the light in our lives. It means deattaching ourselves from the hypnosis of the dark thing to looking at "what's right". Yes, lift off from the velco thing that seems to have a hold on us, and re-attach our attention to the light.

The good news is that when we do that, we re-energize from something that is draining us of our energy to focus on the life enhancing goodness we can experience from what's right. Chronic stress occurs when we cannot detach what our worries...regardless of their logic or possibility. But when we can have the mental resilience to pull away from those things, face the sun, those dark things will no longer control our energy, our life, our perceptions, and our world....and the shadows will fall behind us....just like when we moved the clocks back.

One Thing at a Time....Less Stress

Focus - Choose One, Master It, Move On

In his book, "Getting Things Done," David Allen suggests you create a list of "Areas of Focus." Start by looking at the areas you manage in your your personal life or business life. In business you may have these areas: marketing, customer contact, product/service development, operations/administration, strategic planning, IT development, etc. What are the areas in your personal life? Relationships, home, community activities, political causes, etc.

Next, list all your possible projects in your personal and your business life. Be sure to list them all.

Once you have your full projects list, look them over and ask yourself (these are from passionforbusiness.com):

1. Which project will most likely lead me towards my large business goals?

2. Which project will lead me in the direction I want to take for my business?

3. Which project am I ready to tackle now?

4. Which project inspires me? (cool--this is a big clue)

5. Which project scares me? (reflect on why)

Then choose one project that will have the biggest impact for your success. Picking only one reduces any stress you might have about being overwhelmed.

Remember, you don't have to focus on one thing for an entire year. Try it for one week, three months or six months. That is more manageable... and don't throw away the list - you will still do them, just not now. Then, see what results you are getting...see how it feels.

Then, once you complete a project, then you can joyfully move on to the next one on your list. In this way, you can have BOTH things in your life: a successful personal and business life...and develop your system of getting multiple things done in a deliberately effective way.

First, choose one project. Finish it. Then move on to the next.

Freedom to Make Meaning for Ourselves

"The things we fear most in organizations -- fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances - need not be signs of an impending disorder that will destroy us. Instead, fluctuations are the primary source of creativity." - Dr. Margaret Wheatley, Leadership and the New Science

It is ironic that the very thing that allows for creativity and growth is also stressful - chaos. When we are free to create, it can get messy, and it supports the million possibilities of what can then happen or be created. But if we fear the messiness, because we like things neat, clean and in order, we push away the very openness and the new options for the future, by the "barriers" of fear. The stress of the "clutter" is not enjoyed and will probably not lead to development of oursleves, our project, or anything else. We have to get our hands dirty, and I know that is not politically popular in the era of H1N1. We can get messy without being infected by our fear of it.

If our intellect can remember that when there is chaos, there is great opportunity, we can begin to embrace a new perspective, drop some fear and stress, and look again at the raw, organic materials that we have to work with in our situation. See mess as possibility....now that is power and freedom.

Looking with "New" Eyes

"If a pickpocket meets a Holy Man, he will see only his pockets." - --Hari Dass

Every time I read this, I laugh...that is good unto itself. Laughing is a great stress reducer....AND when you can laugh and learn something, what a blessing!!!

Yet, to clarify...what does this mean to me? If I find myself judging someone or something, and feeling stressed about it...widening my view of the person or situation allows me to see the greater picture of who they are or what the situation is. It gives me the "view from the balcony", which helps me understand more, and judge less, and feel less stressed about it.

If I only see the pockets of the Holy Man, I am usually too attached to what those pockets are really about, and that attachment creates stress for me. Loosing my grip of that attachment, viewing it from a higher place, helps me ease into another possibility...and I love seeing new possibilities about people and situations, don't you? Knowing many possibilities exist reduces my fear and stress....and I am not stuck with one way or one perspective.

It's Not Personal!

One of the Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz (great book BTW), is to not takes things personally. It is the hardest of the four, because it is so wrapped around our ego. The other three (be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions-i.e. ask questions, and always do your best) are easier to handle in my day to day world. I think they are all great agreements that you make with yourself to live a more awakened life...and if we follow them, I think they are a more peaceful and less stressful attitude about our world.

The personal thing can be very challenging...and what I am referring to mostly - when things happen negatively, seemingly to "me". Ruiz is also talking about not taking things personally when someone is giving you all kinds of positive feedback as well...but that is not what i want to comment on today. :-)

I re-learned this in the past week when there appeared to be a personal attack on myself and some colleagues. I stewed and was angry about it for several days, not feeling "worthy" enough to talk to the person about the issue, due to seniority issues. But, as I did some inner work, I reminded myself that I did NOT know why the person said what was said...and that I believed that we had mutual goals so there must have been some misunderstanding...and that it was NOT personal.

Armed with a new perspective/consciousness, I went to talk to that person, assuming there was a misunderstanding and guess what - there was! And it was not only not personal, we were able to come to an agreement, which made the issue go away and it created a win-win for both of us...and did that ever feel better than assuming it was personal. Whew!

Why couldn't I have felt like that before vs. being angry and frustrated? A good lesson and reminder to me to stop, remember that I don't know everything, and trust in win-win. I think being in integrity with my word, not taking it personally, eliminating assumptions, and doing my best assisted me in ending my week in a very happy place...the four agreements in action for me.

Mirrors in Life

"Any situation that you find yourself in, is an outward reflection of your inner state of being-ness." -- El Morya

Have you ever noticed that what you are feeling on the inside is showing up in your "outside" world? I have had my own experiences lately that just amplify this and have been in coaching sessions where clients have shared this with me.

I would like to say that my mirrors were reflecting peace and harmony, but alas, no! It was just about the polar opposite - it was the disgruntlement and frustrations of people that I encountered which was simply a reflection of what I was feeling about some issues for me at work lately. What it meant for me in the short term was that we had alot to whine about...but even as I was complaining and trying to be right (a BIG clue!), there was that small, still voice that yelled at me: "MIRROR!"

So, for the long term and for my own health and well-being, whining was not the answer but it was a red flag to me that I was off center, out of balance, and stressed! As much as I did not want to succomb to that still voice within me immediately, I did hear it - it was right - my ego was shouting loud and clear, and frankly, about nothing really all that life-altering.

These mirrors in our lives are gifts - we should thank them and learn from them...they are there because we are not "mindful" and aware enough to notice our own being-ness by ourselves. I keep thinking, one of these days, I will not need the mirrors, but I doubt it...I always want the teachers and the lessons.

Clarity and Opportunity

When I think about what I really want, these two things come to my mind.

I often feel that clarity is a solution to stress...getting things back into perspective for me reduces an sense of anxiety or fear. It gets me back to my values. I can also have a better sens eof the opportunity that was in the chaos of what I was experiencing....that opportunity was always there, even if I wasn't open to seeing it before.

So, how to get back to clarity and harmony? The body needs a re-boot and how that works for you is a unique thing. For me, it can be a short visual meditation, a piece of music, a word or phrase to remind me to get centered, and what it mostly is, is turning off the external world for a moment in time and going inside my own heart and mind. That is the re-boot, the re-set, because when I "come out", the stress is less and I do have a better clarity about what's important, some better ideas, and the opportunities open to me in my life.

What is your re-boot strategy?

Name it and Claim it!

The hardest thing for us sometimes is to just admit what it is that it causing the stressful and anxious feelings. It might "appear" weak, we think...ha! Who hasn't had moments and tough times in our lives where we needed assistance???? We are all hypnotized to think everyone else is doing "it" better...and that admission of what we need assistance with is almost like we think we have failed.

Here's the news: we ALL have these moments and we all can relate to others who are having them, not out of pity, but out of compassion as a fellow human. We need to know and trust and have faith in our friends and colleagues...then name it and claim it...and feel the stress start to ooze out of us...release and letting go of the strangle-hold it had over us. Just like the wicked witches broom which melted in the Wizard of Oz.

When we name it and claim it, it has less power in our lives and we reclaim our inner essence of that REAL power - the Source within us, that really drives us to GREATNESS. Then, that melted broom is as it should be - just a thing, a long lost perception of our little mind. Bring on the Big Mind - it is waiting for us to recognize it as Truth.

Happiness is a Decision

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time." -Unknown author

Sometimes we wait...and wait...and wait...for the "right" thing to come around so we can be happy. It is stressful being in a place of constant anticipation, waiting for some external event to make life work for us.

Better to take some action, in the happiness and joy that we have a choice...and that whatever we do, it is right! We can't make a mistake. If our intention is happiness and joy, that that is what we will experience, not stressing about what someone should have done, or could have done to make it right for you.

Be empowered to make it right for yourself, and choose happiness as the way of being, created by you, especially for you.

Back to School...

I love fall and all that I see...the leaves...the angle of the sun...the smell in the air...the little creatures collecting their stuff for the winter.

But mostly I love the idea of back to school...back to learning...a reminder. I enjoy the openness...the possibilities...the freshness...of new ideas and thoughts. Then, I enjoy the sensemaking of it all...trying to fit what I learned into context of everything else.

Learning should not be stressful, it should enjoyable. If I feel stress about learning, I need to look at the human overlay - what expectations are creating the stress? Time? Perfection? Challenging my ego?

Time to reflect on that...otherwise, enjoy the ride and be in that wonderful space of an open container, to be filled with knowledge.

What is versus what it SHOULD be!!!

Stress comes from judging and believing "what should be" versus "what is." It is about feeling right and needing others to acknowledge it...forgiveness comes from knowing that the self-care of personal peacefulness is more important to our health than being right. Need creates need, creating stress. Clarity creates clarity and peacefulness.

I know that being right in my mind for my health based upon my values is what matters. When I am clear about what's important, clarity surround me and all of my activities. And I also see that, compared to what's right in my world, there is very little wrong.

"You can never get to peace and inner security without first acknowledging all of the good things in your life. If you're forever wanting and longing for more without first appreciating things the way they are, you'll stay in discord." --- The HeartMath Solution, Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Flexibility of the Willow Tree (Latin: salix)

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape." --- Unknown

The willow tree is very meaningful to me - flexible but firmly rooted. Being flexible enough to be conscious of my environment and to note the information I detect - same or different?

"Same" means I do what I have been doing if it is working for me.

"Different" means a change...in my routine, my paradigm...not out of fear but in adapting to what's new and different. It is not personal, it just needs a d different "answer" from me...a new path...the Salix Path, grounded in who I am, my values.

Well-Being

The Well of Well Being
by Bob Tschannen-Moran, © 2007

Well, being as how
well being
eludes so many of us
well beings,
it would serve us well
to go to the well
of well being.

To the well of well being
in our soul.
Where body, mind, and spirit
Connect
To the deep well of life
Ever stirring
Ever striving
To be well.

To the well of well being
in our relationships.
Where thought, word, and deed
Reflect
In the deep well of life
Enough patience
Enough grace
To be well.

To the well of well being
in our world.
Where work, rest, and witness
Protect
The deep well of life
For one
For all
To be well.

Yes, being as how
well being
eludes so many of us
well beings,
It would serve us well
To draw from the well
Of well being.

Celebrate What's Right with the World

This video by DeWitt Jones, continues to inspire me, even though I have seen it hundreds of times. here is the key: when you celebrate what's right, it gives you energy to fix anything that is wrong...so start with inspiration, the rest comes more easily. It is about "priming" your body for the road ahead. Celebrate, then go!

Inside Success leads to Outside Success

"Success is predictable and it begins inside you." - Brian Tracy

Life is an inside job, and there is nothing coming to save you but yourself...you will be the one to make the decision to have a more meaningful life without any regrets.

I heard once that guilt was an outcome of not living our values - I like that! Your personal values are your core essence - what are they? Can you name your top 5? If you can, you are on your way to the awareness of how you are doing - do your days reflect those values?

If we are living inside out, our values are what we manifest in the external world, no regrets...but it all started at its source within.

Eight Best Ways to Exercise Your Brain

8. Smile
7. Stay intellectually active
6. Consciously relax
5. Yawn
4. Meditate
3. Aerobic exercise
2. Dialogue with others
1. Faith
(How God Changes Your Brain. Newberg and Waldman, 2009)

Finding Serenity - three main interconnecting principles: intention, relaxation, and awareness.

More to come...mel

The Puppy Photo at the bottom....

Research shows that just staring at a photo of something you really love, can reduce the physiologic symptoms of stress...and since I love dogs, I put this on my blog.

Find a photo or do an open eye meditation of your current place, and appreciate the Divine. You will feel better for it, and everyone around you will also! mel

How God Changes Your Brain (2009). Newberg and Waldman

Class for Summer - July 13 and 20 - 6p-8p ($25 for both)

Over the past decade or so, numerous studies have suggested that prayer and meditation can enhance physical health and healing from illness. In this book, two neuroscientists contend that that meditation and other spiritual practices permanently strengthen specific parts of the brain that aid in lowering anxiety and depression, enhancing social awareness and empathy, and improving cognitive functioning. It is the very science of the mind. You will also learn new exercises for enhancing spiritual health.

It is hot! Come join us! Rev. Mel